Hey Eyvindur, good to have you back...

Let's see... This is a lot for one post. I'm going to scan these and offer whatever feedback pops in my head. Here goes...

Eyvindur Karlsson said
I've taken a bit of time off (went to play some festivals and took a holiday and got a horrible case of man-flu), but I've been trying my best to work on my copy since finishing the Copywriting course. I have three blog posts ready for my funnel, and I've put together a few emails. I've also come up with a sales page, but it needs a bit more work. Also, my web page theme is acting up (trying to get the designers to fix that right now). That's why I'm not including the blog posts themselves right now (but trust me, they're amazing).

Anyway, if anybody could look at my emails and give me any feedback, I would be super happy. I'll just paste the text below. This is a bit long, so I'm sorry. :/

First of all, my USP: A quirky Icelandic Americana singer songwriter who deals with his personal struggles by singing beautiful melodies about grim things.

I'm targeting fans of Tom Waits, Nick Cave, maybe Neil Young, focusing on Scandinavia and probably the english speaking world as well.

And now, the emails:

EMAIL 1 - The Blog Post of a Lifetime

Subject: I want to tell you about dog shit and suicide

OK, *|FNAME|*, I know that’s a pretty heavy subject line. But I promise, it’s a funny story.

I have a feeling it’ll resonate with you. It’s a story about  the time dog poo saved my life. No joke.

Click here to read all about it: LINK

I think you’ll get a kick out of it. Let me know what you think.

And of course, thank you so much for downloading my free songs. I hope you loved them. I have some more free music coming your way, so watch your inbox.

As always,
folk on!

Eyvi
One Bad Day

The subject line is incredibly risky, having references to shit and suicide. BUT... if you have your targeting really dialed in it could work. You will certainly get a reaction. If your targeting is off you will get spam complaints and unsubscribes. I personally don't mind it at all. In fact, I would have to click. I'm very curious to see your stats after this has run for a while. I like the up beat tone though.

EMAIL 2 - Another blog post

Subject: The reason I don’t write love songs for my wife

Hi again, *|FNAME|*. I want to thank you again for being a part of my journey. And I have another story for you.

Well, first of all, I have a confession. I don’t write love songs for my wife. I never have. And I never will. Judge me if you will.

I wrote a post about the reasons behind it. And I put a couple of songs in there as well.

Click here for the story: LINK

Let me know what you think. Am I an asshole? (On second thought, don’t answer that. But feel free to tell me something nice - I’m needy like that.)

Thanks again for being here. See you soon!

Folk on!

Eyvi
One Bad Day

Again, a bit edgy, but I like it a lot. Once more, I would have to click this. And I probably am exactly your target audience.

EMAIL 3 - One more story

Subject: A ghost who loves sad songs

Hi again. I have another story and another song for you. This is a bit different, though. This is about a ghost. Well, sort of. You’ll see what I mean.

Click here to read the story.

As before, I hope you enjoy the music and these stories. I appreciate you being along for the ride. Thanks so much.

Folk on!

Eyvi
One Bad Day

I am really liking the quirky, personal approach in the first line of each email. It makes me feel like you are talking to me and it establishes a consistent, quirky, upbeat tone. The subject matter is a tad less compelling, but only because it;s less edgy. I would still click, and at this stage I would be enjoying getting these emails.

EMAIL 4 - LTO

Subject: Get my album for free!

Hi, *|FNAME|*! Hope you’re folking your bad self as usual. (Does that sound weird? Feels a bit weird, now that I look at it... Oh, well.)

I have a little gift for you, my friend. As I’ve told you in my previous messages and posts I really get a kick out sharing my (usually tragic) songs and stories with people. It’s therapeutic for me, and hopefully for the listener as well.

(OK, it may be more likely that you just enjoy the music - you might not need therapy as badly as I do. If you do, however, music is a lot cheaper than a therapist - trust me, I know.)

And so, as a thank you for showing interest in my music, I want to give you a little gift.

For the next 72 hours I’m offering you an old album I made with my friend Símon, in our duet, Misery Loves Company, absolutely FREE if you order my new one, A Bottle Full of Dreams. You can buy the new album in any format you want, and you get a free digital download of the old one, absolutely free.

As I’ve said before, I’m super proud of my new album. It’s been a loooong way coming, and now that it’s here I want everybody to listen to it. However, it’s only available on my web site. It’s not on any streaming platforms or other online stores. This is the only place to get it.

So if you’ve enjoyed the music I’ve been sending your way, please head over to my site and check out the full album. You can have a little listen, and pick it up, along with the FREE extra album. It’s good music, and it will make you a better person (probably). It will also support my musical journey, and I will, of course, be eternally grateful.

Thank you so much for being here.

Folk on.

Eyvi
One Bad Day

Yep. Reads well. Good job of personalizing this but also sticking to the structure I suggest in MMM. I have ideas of other ways you could go. But this is great and let's see how this goes first.

EMAIL 5 - LTO 2

Subject: Only two days left to dramatically improve your life!

It’s official, *|FNAME|*! My music will make you a better person. I read about in an article on the internet, which I wrote.

But seriously, I firmly believe that my album is the bees knees. (Wait... Bees don’t have knees, do they? Whatever, this is my second language.) And I really hope you’ll take advantage of this great deal. You get two albums for the price of one!

The older one, Misery Loves Company, is me and my friend with our guitars. Very raw, folksy and sweet. The second one you should have heard more of by now. It’s more folk rock, more Americana, you know. It has drums.

Again, the new album is not available anywhere else, and I have no plans to put it on any streaming platforms or anything like that anytime soon. So if you want it, my website is the only place.

So why wait? Increase your productivity and your quality of life today by picking up a copy of A Bottle Full of Dreams, and getting Misery Loves Company as a FREE bonus!

Thanks for your support.

Folk on!

Eyvi
One Bad Day

Subject line made me chuckle. Super minor thing but I feel like you should say "English is your second language" rather than "this". It caused me to re-read the sentence since I have to figure out what "this" is. Obviously a very minor detail. But it's those little things that slow people down that ultimately hurt copy. Maybe also put quotes around the album titles so I know it's a title. That stopped me for a sec too.

Even beyond the album title not being in quotes, I got tangled up reading "The older one, Misery Loves Company, is me and my friend with our guitars. Very raw, folksy and sweet. The second one you should have heard more of by now. It’s more folk rock, more Americana, you know. It has drums." maybe that can be smoothed out? The order also seemed to put the emphasis on the old album when it seems like you have been setting us up to care about the new album, so that should be first. Also "the older album" doesn't sound appealing.

Unless I missed it, this was also the first time I learned that the album is not available on streaming sites, which is a great detail. It may just be that it's on the sales page. But if it isn't, it should be. Possibly mentioned in the previous email as well. That might not be necessary if it's on the sales page.

Again, quotes around the album titles in the last paragraph would help me. Or possibly, links.

EMAIL 5 - Final

Subject: Last call! Get your free album today, or not at all!

Hey, *|FNAME|*. Just a friendly reminder that today is the last chance to get your free bonus if you pick up my album, A Bottle Full of Dreams.

I am super proud of these albums, of course, and I would be extremely happy if you support me by picking them up. I also think you’ll love them. Well, I wouldn’t be offering them to you if I didn’t think the music was great. Friends don’t let friends listen to bad music.

So, please don’t hesitate. Pick up your copy of A Bottle Full of Dreams and get your FREE download of Misery Loves Company as my gift to you.

Thanks as always.

Folk on.

Eyvi
One Bad Day

 

"free bonus if you pick up my album," was just a tiny bit awkward. Maybe explain what the bonus is. We always need to assume that this could be the first email someone has read in the LTO. 

If I had any criticisms it might just be that it didn't feel very dire. I think you could use your sense of humor to make that aspect of this fun. This was sort of the lowest energy email for me. Having said that, I think it was still well written.

---

OK, so that's it. I'd love any feedback. 🙂

Folk on, guys.

Eyvi  

I really enjoyed reading this and what I expected to be painful (just because there was so much to read) was quite fun and I breezed right through it. I expected to scan but read every word. While I offered some constructive criticism here and there, I'm really just offering whatever feedback comes to mind. They were all really well written and would likely work as is, so long as your targeting is right. Great stuff. It's all feeling really tight and miles beyond where it was at the beginning of the Copywriting Workshop. Please let me know how things go. 

Cheers.

I agree. I kind of really like the headline. But it's bold and I' nervous to to totally endorse it in case it back fires on you. But if you can stomach some blow back from strangers... it would be very interesting to see how it did. It can't not get their attention.

Folk on.

Excited to see how that does for you. 

This sounds sort of silly, but you might actually want to check with your email management company and make sure they don't have any rules against profanity. I don't believe they do, but I'd hate to see your account get in trouble because of it. But I'm fairly sure I've received the odd marketing email with swearing in it.