Hey Jeff,

My apologies for the slow response. I've been traveling for the last 5 days or so and have just returned to the desk. Normally replies will be much quicker.

I totally get what you're going for and I dig it as a general vibe.  I'm not shocked that the image that is working for you is doing well. It has a cool vibe about it.

The pluses...

1. You're doing a good job of creating a seedy Americana vibe with a desert/vegas lean to it.

2. The image in your ad and your squeeze page really work for me.

3. I get what you were going for with the longer headline and I would experiment with that exact copy in an ad at some point. But I think the shorter headline is likely to be more effective in the long run. 

Areas for improvement...

1. I think the dark blue background is too intense. Try matching the light blue of your jacket rather than the dark blue of your shirt. There are a lot of exceptions to this rule, but light colors tend to do better. White and baby blue being the colors to test best. The page just feels a little oppressive right now.

2. I think the sub headline is too busy. I had to read it three times and I still can't remember what it said. Tell us about the film later. Lets make this a simpler transaction. I would turn that into a simpler "here's what you are going to get" sub headline.

3. Your supporting copy is lacking a lot. You should have 3 or 4 paragraphs down there. You only have one. The format I recommend is tell them who you are, tell them what your music sounds like, tell them what they are going to get, tell them what they need to do next. each item being its own paragraph.

4. Add a few more words to the call to action under the arrow, even if it's just to reiterate who the tracks are from.

I think the points above are all factors but my guess is that the real issue is targeting.

Who are you targeting with this ad, what age range, location, and any other relevant factors?

Cool. I would definitely try split testing a few audiences. What is the history of your campaign in terms of targeting? In other words, who else have you tried? Any other targeting options selected? Have you run a report to see what segment of your audience is performing best?  

Hey Jeff,

I can't really make out much of what is in those images. I can see you tried a lot of things but that's about it. I'd be curious about other factors such as targeting combos, additional demographic selections (if any) and how long you ran the ads. Most ads do need a few days to come down in price. Something is a bit off as that is a lot of ads and you should have some lower prices in the mix. Lets focus on just a few going forward.

A couple of things about your page... I really liked your last headline. The one about "These are those stories". I would try that one to see how it does. I personally liked it a lot better than the new one. It had much more vibe.

This sentence "…and can get two tracks for FREE! Here’s what others are saying…" is missing he word "you", but I think yo can say that same thing with  flare more consistent with your Dessert Americana thing. Sounds a tad flat. But the simpler approach is better.

I would also try going with an even softer blue. It's still a little dark in some areas and looks a tad sickly against the red headline with it's current shade. I'm thinking more of a really soft robin egg blue. Or you could just start with white so you have a baseline. 

Your first descriptive paragraph also starts where the quotes are. I would push that down a line so there is a distinctive difference between the image/quote section and the body copy.

I also still feel like the body copy is a bit rushed. You are missing the "tell us who you are" paragraph and instead go straight into describing the music. But I'm not seeing the well crafted sentences and cool vibe that I saw in your original headline. Your main descriptor is that your music "boils down to empathy". I don't really know what that means. If you mean that as a songwriter you can create a transcendent experience in which the listener can experience things through the eyes of a poor homeless child, an old African American woman, or a Vegas grifter, while still keeping you tapping your feet to classic Americana melodies and rhythms... then say that 🙂 As they say in script writing, show us, don't tell us.

I would pause whatever ad you created and put a little more time into this. You have a lot of cool stuff there. Your Motel image and the image of you on the squeeze page, coupled with your old headline really gave me a sense of who you were. Try to put that into each element of your squeeze page while still keeping things simple. Each element really matters.

I think it's a lot better. Not to be a nitpicker, but I think the addition of "these could be your songs" doesn't help it. Takes it from cool and mysterious to a bit needy (in my opinion).

I also thought there could be a cooler way of explaining who you are. Right now the key takeaway is that you are a real estate agent by day. That is fine, but it clashes with the rock star image you are broadcasting. You could rephrase that by saying something like "In another life Jeff Mix worked as a real estate agent... or just leave it out altogether. That said, i typically use this first paragraph to boost a bit and describe your significance as an artist. Even though what you have does not go into too much detail about the sound, I still see it as describing the music more than telling us who you are.

I would go back over the squeeze page section of MMM or one of the squeeze page lessons here in the IC for a refresher. I think a modified version of your first paragraph would make a better second paragraph. Your second paragraph could shortened and merged with your last paragraph, and a new first paragraph could be added. Again, just one guy's opinion. I'm not at all saying what you have won't work. It's just different from how I layout the objectives in MMM.

Hey Jeff,

I'm glad you're not minding the feedback. Sometimes I start typing fast and can be a bit direct. Always worried it will come off as critical rather than just direct. Glad it's landing well.

I agree, I think you're getting it. This is all pretty good.

I miss the old headline because it was a bit weird and mysterious, and I personally liked it. But I also like this new one and it may be a bit clearer to the masses. It's the kind of thing you need to split test to know for sure.

I think you should find another way to offer the songs without saying "hit". I know I have done it, but it's pure laziness that I haven't changed it. You just have a real genuine feeling going in your copy and that throws it off a bit. Stay in "the zone" and match the tone of the rest of your copy. You're doing great with every round.

I think your knew first paragraph is written infinitely better. I like the conversational tone while still being rich with info. I particularly like how it starts off with the question. It's natural and it pulls me in. If I have a criticism it's just that the focus is on the film. It kind of makes me go... huh? I thought he was a musician? I think in an ideal world I would just leave out all references to the film on this page and then make that a part of your first or second blog post. You can definitely use that as a huge part of your story, but I think it's better to do that once you have their attention and more time to explain everything. The movie just causes me to start asking questions (which is bad). A successful offer convinces your reader with the headline, and then just reassures them with the rest of the copy on the page. If you start introducing new concepts you run the risk of losing them.

And one super minor issue... your underline runs into the first sentence. Just looks messy to the eye. I would fix that. Very minor.

No problem Jeff. That's what I'm here for 🙂

I totally get what you are saying about the fact that it's one piece of art, but to my mind it's important to keep things simple and pitch one concept at a time. I'm not saying you can't pitch it together, but to my mind it's easier to do it separately. Seems like it would make an obvious upsell. Get the album, now buy the film, or visa versa.

Hey Jeff,

I'm sorry to hear that. It can definitely be tough. 

It's hard to really diagnose things without spending a considerable amount of time digging through someone's campaign, but now that you have made some considerable improvements on your squeeze page (at least to my mind), my biggest area of concern for you would be your targeting. It looks like you did a LOT of things very quickly. In fact I don't recall ever seeing so many ad sets in one campaign before. What I normally recommend is starting out with 3 ad sets with a $5 - $10 budget, and fairly quickly shutting down the under performers. Then letting that run for 3 - 5 days until it's either profitable or you determine it's not. From there you can look at the data, get a sense of what segment of your audience performed well, refine your campaigns, and split test thee new ad sets. This slow (and low budget) system of testing should nudge you closer to profitability while not costing you a lot and allowing your instincts to sharpen along the way.

I can't say for certain, but if I was in your shoes the next area I would be looking at is targeting. That said, it could also be the language or images in the ads themselves.

I'm quite confident there is a path for you. I'm an Americana guy myself, and I like the vibe you put together after the feedback.  It's just a matter of tweaking until you get there.