Hey Paul, I think the squeeze page looks great. Huge improvement. I might customize the aweber form so it matches the site a tad more, but that's a minor issue.

 Here are my thoughts as I went through the series.

email 1: Great.

email 2: Good but I'm wanting to get a little more insight into you as a person and not just get another track. I also didn't like reading the "I may not get back to everyone but I'll try". It would put me off personally because I like open communication. I'd say either invite them to email you or don't.

email 3: You lost me a little here. I was expecting to go deeper into you as the artist and went the other way by being sent to a gig that, while music related, seemed like a pitch for a somewhat different service. I think there is a place for this and it could be really cool. But I'd make it part of a story... IE, I love music, here's why, and I want to share it with you buy teaching you how to make it too..." kind of a thing. I also thought that in this email you should be steering me towards a hard sell for your album. Maybe an LTO or something, but simultaneously intensifying the relationship with personal copy. I liked the look of the email though. The video graphic really made me want to click.

email 4: Here you go for the clsoe, which is cool, but it feels a bit rushed. Just bam, here is an offer. I think you can do that if you set up the story in earlier emails. I also personally like a shorter LTO. But that's just me. A week gives me too much time to think about it. 3 or 4 days makes me feel rushed... in a way that is more likely to get the conversion.

email 5: Good.

Hope you don't mind me being blunt. Just giving you my thoughts. Over all I think you're great at design and presenting things professionally. I just think that the story and personal connection is missing. I always liken it to dating. You don't sit down in a bar and say, can I buy you a drink, here's another drink, and now do you want to sleep with me 🙂

You offer the drink and then start talking, ultimately finding your common ground. Once the bond is n place you move on to subtly establishing social proof and scarcity. That might sound stupid but I think that likening copy to human relationships is the best way to write good copy. Just ask yourself if you would read that copy to a crowed full of people. I think that if you read what you have the first thing people might say is... wait, who are you?. I think that's what's missing.

Peppering in some social proof might be cool as well.

And as always, this is just one dude's opinion. If you see sales, that is all that matters.

No prob,

I might be confused... What I'm seeing is mostly just a reorganization of the emails. Is that right? I think having the pitch as two different emails was much stronger than a single one. I like to introduce the offer and then follow up with a reminder that it's the final day. I just meant that a week long interval might be a bit long for the sale. I thought just 3 or 4 days was better. Just my opinion. I also would keep the initial series pretty clsoe together. No more than 2 weeks. Gotta strike while you're hot.

Mostly what I'm missing is the personal story of who you are. It feels a bit static and nothing is pulling me in to you as a person.

I would add back 2 LTO emails and just try and add some conversational story. Forgive the grandiose description but I think we should come off as rock and roll warriors reporting in from the front line.

You know how with music it's sometimes those room sounds behind the vocal or the drum that make the music sound so engaging? Same with copy. I want to literally picture the room you're in when I read your words. Even if it's just a few sentences. I think that is what's missing here, along with the two prong LTO. Check out the copywriting module and see if that helps.