Hey Derrick,

I think there is some good stuff in there, but to me, it still feels like you are half using my templates, and half using a few lines you found in other reviews. A lot of those read like they are two different headlines spliced together. 

For example:

"Whip out the mimosas, kickback with a few friends and pass the memories around as you listen to an album that is an undeniably intense celebration of the past and present." is very similar to my "kick of your boots, pour yourself a whiskey" line, and "undeniably intense celebration of the past and present" sounds like it was taken from a review. I could of course be wrong.

I also think you need to be sure you are tapping into the exact right emotion and need of your target audience. Is a Mimosa, or wine for that matter, what is on the forefront of every funk fan's mind? I honestly have no idea, bit it didn't strike me as an exact match for that audience.

You also mention a lot of "reflection" in one form or another, and I'm not persoanlly convinced that this is what funk fans want from their music.

That said, I think my favorites are:

1. Former frontman for Herbie Hancock and the Headhunters has just re-released an album that is a successful fusion of a bass heavy throwback and unadulterated R&B. (This one establishes your credentials, and gives me a good sense of what the music is. It's still a bit week on the "experience" that your music offers. But it reads well.

and...

2. Kickback with a glass of wine as you listen to “a voice that is fine as honey and smooth as silk.” (Like I mentioned above, I don't know if wine is the right reference  - you would know better than I - but otherwise, it does paint a nice picture of sitting back and relaxing to some smooth R & B, which I do think aligns with what, at least one existing audience, is into.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Hey Derrick,

This week's Copywriting for Musicians Workshop videos will address exactly that. They will be published on Tuesday morning. 

Talk soon.