Hi Anthony,

Thanks for reposting this in a new thread.

Let's start with your USP. What have you come up with for that? That will allow me to better comment on whether or not something is on or off target.

Got it. Thanks.

Sorry, after popping over to the sales page I realized who you were and that we had spoken.

Ok, so for me... Both the USP and the headline sound too broad, and I think things need to be narrowed down.

Without opening up a whole new can of worms and breaking down your USP (which I think probably needs to be done), I'll stick with the question and comment on the squeeze page.

Let's take the headline...

“Attention All Music Fans…Take A Journey Into Guitar-Driven Rock Music Infused With Jazz, Metal, And Blues From Multi-Instrumentalist Anthony Rufo…”

For starters, by directing this at "all music fans", it's already too broad. It's like looking past someone as you talk to them. Makes me feel like you're talking to someone else. The proverbial everyone else, but not me. It also triggers my BS detector because I don't think any music appeals to all music fans, so it sounds hypey. 

"a journey" sounds interesting, as does "guitar driven rock" if that's what I'm into. But then you lose me with "infused with Jazz, metal, and blues", and you start to confuse me when you introduce the multi instrumental thing at this stage.

It's not that it isn't ok to be all of those things, but I think we need to focus on the strongest quality of them all, and/or the experience that I will have when I listen to the music.

For example, tell me what will this be journey be like, more than precisely where it will take me.

For example, I might say that my music might take someone on a journey down a dusty highway in the middle of nowhere.

Rather than saying, it will transport you to a world rich in Americana.

The first shows me. The second tells me.

Reading the media quotes and having listened to some songs, I think it's important you focus on your primary strengths and the essence of what you're all about, which sounds like it is captivating listeners with your guitar skills. If that is so, I would be researching others like Satriani, and seeing how journalists describe him, and seeing if you can't borrow some of the phrasing that also applies to you.

That all make sense?

Sounds good. I agree that you have all of those elements, I just think it's best to lean into the most definitive one, which seems to be your guitar chops. But you would ultimately know better than me.

Let me know when you have a new pass.

Hi Anthony,

I think its an improvement.

If I'm to be honest, it still doesn't excite me personally, but I may just be the wrong audience.

I see the appeal in the "time before auto-tuned vocals and sampled drums", but it still leaves some room for interpretation. Mostly because what comes before it is not that descriptive. "Guitar driven rock" is pretty flat.

That said, I would not hesitate to start running some traffic at the squeeze page and see what kind of response you get. It may very well do the trick. And I often find that once traffic starts hitting a page, I start seeing it from the eyes of the visitor, and it improves my copy.

Sounds good Anthony, keep us posted.

Hi Anthony,

Really glad to hear the reviews helped.

I think the new headline is almost there. You start the set up well with "Guitar Rockin' Musical Journey", but for me it falls short when you say "bursting at the seems with more color than a rainbow". It's just too nonspecific. What does that mean? Does it mean energy? Then describe what all that energy is going to do to my body? What is the experience I will have? Does it mean texture? Then describe what those textures are like?

That make sense?

Hi Anthony,

I feel like you must be getting tired of me critiquing what you have... sorry 🙂

It's better but still feels a little clunky to me. I also still don't know exactly what kind of music to expect. It's also a bit of an odd linguistic thing to say that I'm going to go on a journey and then to describe that journey as being stationary, where the floor boards are creaking and hips are shaking. 

You currently have:

JOIN ANTHONY RUFO ON A GUITAR ROCKIN’ MUSICAL JOURNEY WHERE WE’LL QUAKE FLOORBOARDS AND SHAKE YOUR HIPS…”

That may very well work. But I still think it can be improved. I think you might do well to pt a label on the genre, even if it's not 100% accurate of every song. Even something vague like classic rock, or quintessential rock and roll could help.

Perhaps something like...

JOIN ANTHONY RUFO ON THE QUINTESSENTIAL ROCK N' ROLL JOURNEY, AND SIT BACK AS HIS SHREDDING GUITAR LICKS QUAKE YOUR FLOORBOARDS AND RATTLE YOUR BONES... or somethin' like that.

That said, I would not stress and labour over the perfect sentence. 

I would do your best at writing 5 potential headlines. Then test each one as your ad copy. And put what you think is the best one on your squeeze page. Don't worry so much how the squeeze page converts right away... Just see which add copy gets the cheapest clicks. Then take that and use it as your headline on the squeeze page. If the numbers are still off, come up with 4 more and run a new campaign, testing the old winner against the 4 new ones... rinse and repeat. The numbers will guide you even more accurately then I ever could.

Make sense?

Great! Glad to hear it. Definitely let me know how it goes. Just keep refining until you are happy with the numbers. Cheers!