Hi Mike,

My apologies for the slow response. I've been off for the weekend.

No worries Mike. To create a new thread you just go to the forum you think is appropriate and click "create new topic". I have done that for you and moved this to the web design forum.

Your squeeze page has deviated quite a bit from the structure I recommend so it's a bit hard for me to critique. Deviation is not necessarily bad. There are many different approaches that will work. Having said that, I do things they way I do them because they have worked for me after years of testing.

I'll give you a run down of what I think the week points are, but again, this is mostly because these are points of difference. At the end of the day, if you test what you have and it works, that is all that matters.

1. While your headline does describe the music, it doesn't do much to sell the experience I will have listening to it. In other words, it doesn't do much to tap into the underlying passions of rock guitar fans, in my opinion.

2. There is no body copy at all. You really need that extra copy to pull your readers in.

3. Your background images is the primary element of the page. The headline and content should be.

4. In all of your images your face is obscured, and I feel no connection to you. That is important.

5. In mobile your opt in forms appear at the top of the page. That's sort of like a waiter asking for the tip before the meal has come.

6. Nowhere on your page does it tell me what you are giving me and what I need to do next, except in your opt in button.

7. There are no arrows or other elements drawing my eyes to the opt in form or any call to action.

In my opinion I would stick with the template I have provided in MMM 4 and start there. That way you will at least get some control data. And you can deviate from there. I hope you don't mind the blunt feedback. Not trying to be discouraging, just direct.

Glad to hear it Mike. Feel free to post the next round of changes for feedback.

Cheers.

Hi Mike,

Glad to hear you are enjoying the lessons here in the IC.

I personally think this new page is MUCH better.

That said, I think there are still a few areas that could be improved.

1. Your mobile display is not working right. The arrow is under the headline but the opt in fields are down at the bottom of the page. They should be together obviously.

2. The headline is clear and improved, but still falls a little flat. The words that jump out are "dynamic", "Guitar rock", and thought provoking lyrics". That is ok, but it also doesn't have much sizzle. The test I always apply is to ask myself if there are people walking around thinking, "I wish I could find more Dynamic guitar rock with thought provoking lyrics." When you put it that way I think it becomes obvious that there isn't that much passion out there around ideas that basic. 

Instead I'd try and focus on the real conversation that might be taking place in the minds of potential fans. Imagine being a fly on the wall as your potential fan talks about what he/she loves about music. When I imagine this scenario I think of lines more like "I miss the days when all the great rock and roll songs and whaling guitar solos". I'm not saying that is the best headline, but hopefully it illustrates the difference. The patter of that sentence better reflects how real people might actually think, and therefore (I feel) it is more likely to connect with real fans.

3. The body copy is centered. I would justify it left for easier reading.

Hey Mike,

I hope you don't mind me being direct, but to be honest, I'm not nuts about either of those. They aren't bad. They just aren't exciting.

They assume that I'm walking around thinking to myself, I wish there were more hooky guitar player that can command a six string...

It sounds sort of silly when I put it like that, but that's the reality of the proposition. I don't think that language like that is likely to stir up much passion or interest.

The question to ask your self is what does the music ultimately conjure up for the "ideal fan"? 

For example, if I was trying to sell someone on Stevie Ray Vaughn, I might suggest that his guitar playing would "transport the listener to a Mississippi Porch on a hot summer day, or a dusty crossroad in the middle of nowhere"... As apposed to saying it was catchy and he was really good. We need to show them what the impact of the music will be for them rather than just stating what it is.

I hope that makes sense.

But at the end of the day, you can use the new Dynamic Creative tool to test a bunch of ad headlines and see which one does best. You may not get a lot of subscribers at first if the squeeze page still needs work, but based on your results from the ads, you can take the winning ad copy and tweak it a bit to become your headline. That should get you going fairly quickly, if you can afford to invest a bit of money as a test budget.

Sorry if that was confusing, for the most part the ad copy and squeeze page copy can be pretty much the same thing (though they don't necessarily have to, and the tone would be slightly different, in that the squeeze page would tend to be a bit more formal and succinct. 

The idea is that you make a bold claim or promise about the experience that your music ultimately offers, with your ad. People click on that to go to the squeeze page and they see a headline that just reinforces the same idea/promise. It can be identical or just in line with each other. The rest of the copy/elements on that page is/are there to overcome any lingering resistance. 

The emails then take over and start a more in depth conversation over time, build a bond, overcome buying resistance, and deliver direct calls to action.

The reference to Dynamic Creative was that you can use the split testing feature to hone in on the right ad copy, and then use a slightly modified version of that ad copy as your squeeze page headline.

Let me know if it's still unclear.

Hi Mike,

My apologies for the slow response. I've been traveling all week and was offline the entire time. Back home and at the desk now.

I have recently launched a marketing agency called DTFI (Direct to Fan International) that offers more personalized solutions like you are referring to. 

But there are several lessons here in the IC that might help.

Copywriting Shortcuts: https://www.mmmanifesto.com/in.....shortcuts/

Squeeze Page Boot Camp Part 1: https://www.mmmanifesto.com/in.....mp-part-1/

Squeeze Page Boot Camp Part 2: https://www.mmmanifesto.com/in.....mp-part-1/

Squeeze Page Headline Bootcamp: https://www.mmmanifesto.com/in.....-bootcamp/

In terms of your new headline idea... If I'm to be honest, it still sounds very un-enticing. You've sort of taken the "transporting" idea and just added in the same pedestrian description of the experience.

"that one rock club that’s in between blues and shred but doesn’t lean on either too heavily" sounds a bit awkward and even confusing. You're still leaving it to me to imagine what that rock club is like. I would try to imagine the perfect fan experience and then describe it, with no room for interpretation.

Also keep in mind that the "transported to" idea was just an off the cuff idea. I'm not trying to stress that you should take that route.

Again, my apologies if that is in anyway to blunt.

Let me know if I can help with anything else.

My pleasure Mike. The merch table/coffee shop technique is huge for me. I do it, and instruct others to do it almost every day. It's amazing how hard it is to break out of marketing mode and just shoot straight, but it is a challenge for all of us. I really would suggest that you try saying the words out loud. It forces you to hear how others would hear them. If they sound silly to you, they will sound silly to others. Keep at it and let me know how it goes.

I think your making progress. This felt more conversational. But it's still missing a tangible quality that you uniquely offer, or at least it lacks a tangible explanation of how you offer what you do.

Lets break it down...

You have:

Travel through the pain the joy and ponder your own inside these rock songs to find the your new fav artist…..

The trigger words here are pain and joy. For this to work you would need to assume that your target audience was so consciously seeking pain and joy that they would immediately see themselves in your headline, and then want to experience more pain and joy. To me, that is a pretty undefined need and want. The only other trigger word is "rock songs" and that is very vague.

Lets start simpler...

who are you targeting (interest, age, country)? And why do you think your music will appeal to those people? Start by just answering that in plane English, to me.