Hey guys, really sorry to be a bit quite this last week or so. I've had a crazy run of stuff all hitting my plate at once. I am working two albums right now for Blue Elan Records and one came out this week while a second one started the pre-launch. On top of that I had a show of my own last week, and required travel. Back in the saddle now...

Thomas: I think your page visually looks really nice, and I think you've done a great job of taking your target audiences perspective into consideration and laying out a page that will be attractive to them on a visual level. I like the look of it, and the more subtle colors. Not positive they will convert better yet, but I like that you've added your own branding while holding on to the core principles.

My issue with your page is that it's hard to follow the flow. At least for me. I had to read your headline three times to understand what you were saying. You also included quotes with varying text formats, and in a way that was hard to discern the quotes from the copy, so I wasn't sure who was talking as I read. There is also very little copy that is not a quote. So while you might be addressing the need for social proof, you are not doing any hand holding with your more instructional copy.

You mention a lot of song titles, that are also fairly conversational phrases. I (the reader) do not know your songs so I get instantly lost and have no idea what I'm reading. The headline sounds cryptic until I suddenly realize it's a song title, and then again realize that it's a quote. So there is a lot of complicated mental stuff happening while I read. And even now, there are quite a few bits that I don't understand or catch what you are referencing. What IS working is the visual and branding. The pic communicates  lot and so does the subtle tweaks you've added to the arrow, background, button, and image frame. Sort of a "White Heat" heroin kind of feel.

It might be a helpful exercise (and I'm totally serious) to create a new page, but imagine it is for seven year old kids, that just happen to like the Bauhaus, or whoever you are targeting. Make it everything painfully clear. Once you have it to a place where a seven year old can understand it then you can dress it back up with language and vibe for your real audience. Again, just an exercise. But you might be surprised how much of it you keep in your final.

I think the page needs to be broken up into very clear sections that speak directly to the interests of the audience you are after, tell them what they will get, and tell them what to do.

So just to go over the different elements...

The headline's job is to instantly make a bold claim or promise about what you are offering. For us this usually means promising a particular experience that your music offers, while aligning yourself with the reader by touching on key passions, interests, or tribe identifiers.

The subheadline spells out the specifics of what they get. IE a free download.

The image should reinforce that you are consistent with who you claim to be. That you are cool, attractive... a rock star.

The quotes create social proof to overcome any doubt that you are who you say you are.

Then you need supporting copy. This is where you sort of take a breath and start over. You are making your elevator pitch above, now you back up and explain the elevator pitch in a little more detail. I usually go with a paragraph that explains who you are, tone that explains what the music is like, one that explains what they are going to get, and one that tells them what to do next.

And break everything down into chunks that are easy to navigate on the page. I think this is the point that Aaron was trying to make as well.

Right now your page appears to be made up of 90% quotes. There is no conversation. Just jabs of info.

All of this is not to say that you can't go off script. But I would start by making a more straight forward approach work and then playing with things.

I hope none of that comes off as critical. And it;s just one person's opinion. I actually feel pretty good about what you have. The page looks really nice. The fact that it's converting at all makes me think you will do really well once you get some clarity onto the page.

And as an aside, it's normal to see an ad start off as profitable and then go up. That just means that you're ad has peaked and you need to start a new one. This is part of every campaign. I am always cycling between ad sets. Each one lasts from just days to weeks. But never much longer.

Aaron: Thanks for weighing in. Let me know if I should be on the look out for a musician on my doorstep with Chapstick in his hand and a crazed look in his eye 🙂

That's what I'm here for 🙂

But just to clarify, that feedback was in relation to Thomas' initial post. I just realized that you posted your link as well. Didn't want to cause any confusion.

No problem. Happy to help. You seem to have a good product and a handle on how to present yourself in a slick/attractive way. A few tweaks and I think you'll be on your way. I have zero doubt that this can be turned around. Keep us posted.